When Charlie Manuel sat upon Santa’s lap back in December he sure had a lot of things on his mind. Charlie’s Mom told him that this was absolutely the last year he would be able to visit Santa. After all, she reasoned, he been growed up for a long time now… and he was simply getting too big for poor old Santa to handle.

So she told Charlie to make sure he wished for something good, because after this year he would not get another opportunity. Well Charlie thought long and hard for the right thing to wish for. A new fishing rod? “Nah”, Charlie thought. A rubber ducky? “I could never replace Bubba… he been with me ever since I growed up!” Maybe a bucket full of biscuits wth mustard, Charlie wondered? “Hmm, tempting… but Momma gives them to me for free anyway.”

Charlie thought for weeks about what he wanted and as he approached Santa, he was frustrated at his inability to figure that out.

“HO HO HO!” Santa exclaimed as Charlie approached. “Well young man, have a seat on my lap. Oooomph!  My God, I can barely breathe! You never seem to stop growing young Charlie.  Lets try and make this quick son.  So, have you been a good boy this year Charlie?”

“You damn right Santa! I been real good this year!”

“I know you have Charlie, that’s why this year, I will be sure to grant any gift you ask for, no limits!”

“Well, Santa… I sure wish I could think of somethin’ good, but I just can’t seem to think at all!”

“Well then, how about a nice football team, perhaps the Eagles?”

“I don’t want no football team Santa. Dem football players sure is dumb.  Nice fellas and all, but I couldn’t handle bein around no dummies like that there.”

“Hmmm… a nice shiny truck? I’ll even get you a real Fire Engine! How’s that sound?”

“Really? Hmmm… that sure sounds like a lotta fun… I always wanted to make the sirens go ‘Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!’ but I don’t know. Hey, maybe I should call Davey Lopes or Jimy Williams… they always tells me what to do!”

Santa’s face, turning redder then normal due to the lack of circulation, looked at Charlie and thought deeply before he spoke, “…Charlie, what made you happiest last year?”

“Well that’s easy Santa, when we won the Division! It was great to see that team finally come together and get growed up. I wish we could do that again… Hey, wait just a cotton pickin’ minute! I got it! I want a season just like last year!”

Santa smiled as he shoved Charlie off of his lap, “Well Charlie, I think that’s a fine idea, and I can certainly arrange that!”

So as everyone received their gifts on Christmas Day, Charlie smiled, knowing that his gift would last all baseball season long. So you see Phillies fans, everything will be just fine. The Phils will trot off to their normal 7 games below .500 start and slowly plod their way into the playoffs thanks to another Mets implosion. So no need to panic. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the season, things will turn around and the Phils will be playing in October, all thanks to good ole Charlie.

“So Charlie, did you figure out what you wanted from Santa this year?” His Mother asked as she buckled him into his car seat in the mall parking lot.”

“I sure did Ma! I told him I wanted this season to be the same as last year! That sure is gonna be some fun ‘aint it Ma?!?! I ‘aint as dumb as everybody thinks I is!”

“Oh that’s wonderful Charlie!  Now take a nap, you had a big day!”

“Sure did Ma, I can’t wait till the season starts!” And a moment later, Charlie’s eyes drifted off as he saw visions of Ryan Howard home runs, Chase Utley running the bases, Jimmy Rollins diving for balls, and Cole Hamel no-hitter’s.

His Mother smiled as she checked on him through the rear view mirror on the way home, chuckling softly at Charlie’s snoring, “My precious little man”  She thought, “… sure hope you told Santa that you actually want to win when you get to the playoffs this time.  Well, I’m sure Santa will figure it out.”

Meanwhile… back in the mall…

“Ho Ho Ho, well if it isn’t little Terry Francona!  Get your skinny butt on my lap!”  Santa exclaimed with a big smile.  “This year, you get any gift you want!”