Dear National Sports Media (read: Our ESPN overlords),

We really enjoy what you do for us, really we do. If not for you we couldn’t check our fantasy stats when our girlfriends leave the room as we’re stuck watching America’s Got Talent (Don’t Hassle the Hoff). We wouldn’t know that the Cleveland Indians have only a 0.7% chance of making the playoffs (shouldn’t that have dropped when they dealt Sabathia). And we would have never been introduced to the smooth stylings of Stephen A. Smith. Hey, it’s a mixed bag. But with baseball in full swing, the NBA and NHL free-agent period underway and NFL training camp right around the corner, do you really need to manufacture stories about Brett Favre?

Brett Favre was a great player, just ask John Madden. And none of us are going to argue that he should go right into Canton. Hell, put his bust in there now, let him live there, whatever he wants to do. We also know that having him come out of retirement would make a great story, especially for the reporters in Bristol, CN (although Aaron Rodgers will probably go Jeff Gillooly on him if he does). But please stop ramming a non-existent story down our throat (although we’ll allow you to ram the idea that competitive eating is a sport down our throat, pun intended, because … well it’s funny to watch people gorge themselves and throw-up).

Last week Chris Mortensen reported, based on … uh we’re not sure, that Brett Favre told Green Bay head coach Mike McCarthy he would like to play this year. Then Al “He Flag Me” Harris opened his mouth and said Favre told me he had an “itch” to play this year. Well, guess what ESPN, just about every one of us would like to play football this year but, with the exception of a game of touch on the beach this summer where we’ll sprain our ankle, it won’t happen. And as for the itch, that can be cured with hydrocortisone.

Even when Brett came out and said the entire story was based on rumor the story just continued on. On ESPN radio today Mike and Mike in the Morning spent an entire segment on Favre’s return. And when we go to the ESPN.com’s NFL page, there’s a picture of Brett with a story from Kevin Seifert that reads, “the Packers know they must resolve this situation before training camp.” What “situation” is that Kevin? The “situation” that Brett said he’s retired and has yet to say anything different?

Today you’re all over a story that Brett sent a text message to Packers GM Ted Thompson. Honestly we’re shocked by this development. Not because it means Favre is returning though, we’re just surprised that Brett texts at age 38, we thought it was just something for fans of Miley Cyrus.

So please ESPN, we’re begging you, stop reporting on Brett Favre’s comeback. If he ends up actually returning then by all means jump on the story but until them let the man live on the Bayou and make Prilosec commercials.

Love,

American Sports Fans

P.S. – Outside of New England we don’t really like Boston as much as you think.

kthxbye