By default, I enjoy baseball because my husband lives and breathes baseball. I love the passion that my husband has for the game – at times it’s a little excessive but I’m learning to accept this is the person that I married and he could be obsessed with far worse things (crack, hookers, gambling, porn, etc…). Don’t get me wrong, I still get furious when he checks the score of the game on his phone while we’re eating dinner or while he texts his friends who are at the game while we’re watching it on TV.

I’m learning to sit through an entire game without getting “too” bored. In the past, I would go to a game and leave around the 6^th or 7^th inning. Well, now I go to the game with my husband and we get there two hours before it starts (gates aren’t even open yet) and stay until the last player has walked off of the field. I’ve found other ways to entertain myself at games while he is busy screaming at Adam Eaton for playing like garbage.

My favorite activity to pass the time at games when I’m not checking out the pitching staff or complaining that it’s too hot is to highly criticize the attire of what women wear to baseball games. What I’ve witnessed leads me to believe that women need a refresher course on what is considered inappropriate baseball game attire. I’ve listed below my thoughts on what women have the most trouble with when putting together their game outfit:

1.High Heels – Well, I think this one is mostly self-explanatory but from what I’ve seen at the past several games I’ve attended it seems it needs to be addressed. Ladies, is it really necessary to do this? Do you realize that you are walking around on concrete and up and down stairs for roughly 3 hours? I am simply amazed by the amount of women that will do this. It makes me wonder, while getting ready do they think to themselves “I wonder what shoes to wear, I just love these heels so much and want everyone to see how good I look in them, but I’m going to be standing and walking so I should probably wear something more comfortable…oh, who cares, they just make me look so good and I want everyone to look at me!”. Then, there’s the inevitable combination of the high heel and mini skirt, which brings me to #2.

2. Mini-skirts – Really, is this appropriate? It just seems like common sense to me that if you are going to be sitting down for extended periods of time (let’s not forget how the seating is configured in baseball stadiums…) that a mini-skirt would even become an option of what you would want to wear. Is it that important for you that we see what color thongs you are wearing? There really are other options – shorts, skirts of “appropriate lengths” (so when you sit down the world isn’t being flashed your hoo-ha), capris, jeans…and the list goes on. When combined with item #1 the baseball outfit begins to look like something you would wear on the first night of your new stripping gig. Personally, I am not a lover of the mini-skirt worn in any setting. I don’t need to see the creases of “that part of your body” every time you take a step. What really amazes me is it that the majority of girls who choose to wear the mini-skirt are about 4 sizes too big for them in the first place. In no way am I putting down people that are heavier – I’m not stick thin either – but there are appropriate items of clothing for anyone over a size 8. Once you enter the double digits, anything with the word “mini” needs to be left on the rack in the store.

3. Heavy Make-up – This gets me every time – women that attend a baseball game with FULL make-up. It’s usually so thick that by the 4^th inning it’s starting to look like their face is actually melting. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a “girly-girl” and wear make-up when I leave home. However, there’s a difference between some light foundation with a decent SPF coverage and some sheer pink lip gloss and heavy caked on foundation, blush, full on “going out” eyes, a layer of powder to “set” everything with any shade of lipstick that requires a lip-liner. Most often, the women that cake their face in this way have spent a few too many hours in the tanning salon. Yes, I know its summer, but that color is not natural. I also wonder if these girls are at the game on a date…that will make for an interesting after-game cocktail. Guy calls friend from McFadden’s bathroom after the game – “I just don’t know what happened, I mean, I picked her up and she looked smokin’ but after sitting outside in the sun for 9 innings something happened to her face, dude, it’s like it melted off…”.

4.  Pink team attire – This is pretty simple, team logos are specific colors for a reason - if you are a fan you should wear those colors only. There may be an exception to this rule if you are attending a game where breast cancer (or another form of cancer) is being supported by proceeds raised but other than that it’s pretty simple…stick with the logo. It’s not “cute” for girls to wear pink just because they are girls. It’s stupid. I see women in pink Phillies jerseys at every game I attend and part of me wonders if they just don’t know how to do laundry and they put in a little bleach when they washed their Utley jersey. Stick with the team colors – if you want to wear pink that’s fine – just don’t wear it to represent your favorite team!

5.  Too small jerseys tied in the front (or back) – It’s a baseball game, not a car-wash. I’m happy that you pierced your belly button and have a “tramp-stamp” on your lower back, but do you really need to advertise it to the whole world?

6.  Heavy perfume – Leave the expensive stuff for a special night out. Believe me; I love my perfume as much as any other girl but there’s a time and a place for every scent. A baseball game is not the best place to wear those musky, intense tones – mix them with the heat for two hours and they really take a turn for the worse. It doesn’t help that you go the bathroom every inning and add another squirt – I sympathize with the guests who are sitting within two rows of you!

7.  Extreme jewelry – I’m referring to the hoop earrings that are the size of your face and the necklaces that are so big you can’t read the front of your jersey! It’s not a nightclub – it’s a baseball game. If you are going out after the game, keep the jewelry in your purse and do a quick change in the 9^th inning.

8.  Bikini tops – I’m sure every guy that reads this will disagree with me on this one (as they did on the mini-skirt) but it has to be said…KEEP ‘EM COVERED! I think it’s wonderful that you got your “girls” done recently but bikini tops are meant for two things – beaches and Sports Illustrated Swimsuit editions.

9. Jerseys/Apparel for a team other than the two that are playing – So, you’re an Eagles fan – that’s great, you’re at a Phillies game! If you aren’t going to wear apparel for either of the two teams that are playing you lose your right to wear any other team attire. Just because you’re at a Phillies game – in Philly – doesn’t mean its ok to wear any other Philly team attire of your liking. I think this applies more to men than women because men really like to show off their new football jerseys in anticipation of the season ahead but I think we can all learn from this. Quick story with this one…I went to a Superbowl party in New York a couple years back and the hosts were Eagles fans. At the time, I wasn’t an Eagles fan so I didn’t wear any team attire. So, this girl shows up wearing a Phillies t-shirt and had a comment of some sort like “Well, they’re from the same city, right?”… Um, it was nice of you to try but you tried a little too hard…next time, keep it neutral!

10. Anything white other than a t-shirt - For obvious reasons, it’s just a bad idea. You’re not in the Hampton’s - you’re in a baseball stadium. It’s just too much work because you are worrying unnecessarily about whether or not you’re clothes are getting dirty.

Ladies, I hope you remember a few of these ideas the next time you get dressed to go to a game - but if not, at least I’ll continue to have something to do during the 5th inning while my husband is yelling at Ryan Howard for throwing away another double play.

As a follow up to this article, I will be posting random pics of fans breaking these rules. I welcome your thoughts – and photos!