Carolina’s biggest offensive weapon, the speedy Steve Smith, was suspended by the front office for an altercation last week with cornerback Ken Lucas’s face. The aggressive Lucas was angrily kneeling during practice when he interfered with a Steve Smith right cross, which broke his nose and forced him to the bench for at least three weeks to think about what he has done. Mr. Smith is now apparently on a zero tolerance policy with management, which presents an interesting opportunity for Eagles fans across the world. Antagonize Steve Smith. Go to the practices. Interrupt press conferences. Show up to family dinner in a polish bowling shirt and Jams.

Generalissimo Bob Gallagher Sounds the Alarm

In what seems to be a Philadelphia Eagles tradition, the Birds traded away their first round draft pick, this year to Carolina, and in return they received the Panthers’ 2^nd and 4^th round pick and next year’s first round pick. A rudimentary statistical analysis, sample sizes be damned, reveal that the Panthers cannot win gameswithout Steve Smith. Therefore, it is the job, nay the duty, of Eagles fans to do whatever they can to get Steve Smith suspended beyond the first two weeks. It is dangerous work, engaging the mighty Steve Smith, and you will likely suffer corporal harm, but that is precisely the dedication that we have come to expect from the zealous fans of Philadelphia.

The over-arching goal of this brilliant plan is to allow the Eagles to not trade away a mere mid-to-late round pick in the first round, but to really suck the lifeblood out of the fanbase on draft day by trading away a top ten pick, preferably for a can of kale and an O-lineman with mental problems.

As a true fan, one must be willing to do whatever it takes to win, and this plan is a flawless as they come, unless the Eagles blow it by wasting a early pick on real blue chip talent.

Another Trade Deadline has come and gone, and once again the front office has decided, for the most part, that the status quo is good enough. Good enough for what? We shall see. This is no surprise for many of us, as we are used to rumors abounding in July, only to find our Phillies only marginally better (or worse) than we were before. While rumors are fun, and the intellectual exercise of revamping lineups and rotations is plenty of fun for the baseball enthusiast, we once again must come to terms that the Phillies just do not make the big move that everyone wants.

As per usual, it is more fun to talk about the speculated trades than what actually happened, but for the sake of completeness, here we go: Joe Blanton for Adrian Cardenas, Josh Outman and Matthew Spencer. Great. Nothing wrong with this deal other than the fact that this is about as big as they get here in Philadelphia. With Adam Eaton and Brett Myers having trouble and being generally unreliable, we needed a boost to the rotation. And since the team bosses act like they are so broke they can’t rub two nickels together, Blanton will have to do. We will never see the Phillies make a deadline move for a marquee pitcher (a la C.C. Sabathia), unless that pitcher’s name is Mike Williams. Blanton’s acquisition should help sure up a shaky rotation, and gives us some flexibility in the bullpen so long as Eaton can make some progress in the Minors. Now I’m bored.

Dana Carey?

The rumor mills were churning when it was speculated that the Phillies were considering acquiring Matt Holliday and Brian Fuentes, possibly for Shane Victorino, pitching prospect Carlos Carrasco, catcher Lou Marson, and pitcher JA Happ. That is a hefty price tag, but would have yielded some considerable talent. The Rockies were reportedly sellers this year after a disappointing season following their World Series bid, and the deal seemed to match up well with the Phillies needs. Fuentes has put together a solid season and would fill our need for a lefty specialist and make our bullpen even better, but would likely just have been a rental. Matt Holliday is as consistent as they come. Parting with our prospects and Victorino would be tough, but then maybe they could have a Flyin’ Hawaiian giveaway that included fans older than 14, just in order to clear stock. It would have been a blockbuster deal but in the end it looks like managements hesitancy, coupled with the fact that the Rockies, despite being eleven games under .500, are still in the race for the weak West, killed that deal. Or it was just a rumor.

Late in the game came a potential trade for Manny Ramirez. Last week Ramirez declared his openness to a trade so long as his option for 2009 was declined, and the rumors swirled. The Manny trade that was realized involved 19 teams and 48 players, and in the end he ended up in Dodger Blue (the actual deal: Dodgers get Manny, the Red Sox get Jason Bay, and the Pirates get Andy LaRoche, Bryan Morris, Brandon Moss and Craig Hansen from their respective teams). But before then, reports came out that Philly was his preferred choice and the rumors were fueled further by his affinity for his former hitting coach and manager, Charlie Manuel. Pat Gillick shot down the trade talk quickly before speculation on what a deal would entail got momentum.

The also-rans: The Phillies were also speculative buyers in players such as Royals journeyman reliever Ron Mahay, Padre pitcher Greg Maddux and Pirate John Grabow.

In the end, it was another unexciting year for actual trades by the Phils, but that is not always a bad thing. Just think, Ed Wade picked up Randy Wolf and LaTroy Hawkins in the past week.

Around the NL East:

The Mets were quiet and only took a cursory look at Xavier Nady, Manny Ramirez, Jason Bay and Arthur Rhodes(what?!). In the end they did nothing, which was slightly surprising considering their aging roster.

The Florida Marlins were in the middle of major talks regarding Manny Ramirez, and many Phillies fans were livid. The Marlins have established themselves as shrewd negotiators over the years, often leveraging their seemingly inexhaustible young pitching talent into major deals that vault them onto the league leaderboard. In the end however, the Marlins big pick up was Arthur Rhodes (WHAT!?).

The Nationals, who last week moved Closer Jon Rauch for Emilio Bonifacio, traded Jhonny Nunez to the Yankees for shortstop Alberto Gonzalez. Both young players should see Big League time in the coming weeks.

Former MVP Jimmy Rollins was benched Thursday for his poor decision making skills, resulting in his late arrival to Shea Stadium. The team was staying in a Manhattan hotel, and Rollins decided to try and beat the last bus to Flushing, figuring he could outmaneuver the big, slow team bus in New York traffic. Unfortunately, Rollins, who reportedly left 10 minutes after the bus, arrived 30 minutes later than the bus, and just an hour prior to game time.

Rollins has caught a lot of grief for this tardiness gaffe, but Philly fans owe it to J-Roll to take a closer look at his decision-making process.

First, we must consider what exactly happens on these team buses. First hand experience dictates that when one steps onto a bus headed to a ballpark, you are bound to step off that bus drunk. This commentator’s investigation reveals this to be of a 99% certitude, excluding the one time I drove the bus myself and was therefore only somewhat buzzed. So in actuality, Rollins was doing the team a favor by suffering through traffic in order to stay sober enough to play ball, unlike the rest of the slumping Phillies, who clearly are playing drunk.

Second, we cannot question his assumption that he could beat the bus to the stadium. Buses are slow and cumbersome. I once missed the short bus in 9^th grade and gave chase on my Power Wheels. I almost beat it, except the jerk bus driver kept popping out that pesky stop sign on the side every time I tried to pass it. However, assuming the team spent the extra $100 to get a transit bus, the team bus was not equipped with said stop sign, and therefore Rollins had no reason to suspect that he could not get past them. Only a fool would think that a bus could make better time, especially since it unlikely that Sandra Bullock or Keanu Reeves stepped out of the unemployment line long enough to careen the bus at 50 mph down the desolate NYC roadways and into the façade of Citi Field.

Third, we are clearly not paying Jimmy enough money. Making a mere pittance this year ($8,000,000), Rollins could hardly afford the Jet-powered Maybach he so desperately wants. Is it his fault that he had to set off to the stadium in a 1972 AMC Gremlin? A resounding no. The front office should open up the coin purse a bit, and either increase his meager wages, or just buy him a car designed for getting ballplayers to the stadium in time. A bio-fueled flying DeLorean or a George Jetson whip (both of which are somewhat traffic-proof. . .for now) should do just fine.

Rollins is a smart kid, as all baseball players are. He knows how much his time is worth, and if he tells us that, according to his careful cost-benefit analysis, ten extra minutes of Wii-playing or do-rag application adds more value than listening to Charlie Manuel stutter in the clubhouse, we are obligated to believe him.

More importantly, we must examine the genius of benching your starting shortstop because he hit traffic and was late (for a second time!!!!). Very few people question the mental acuity of Charlie Manuel, but this decision makes me think that Charlie is not too bright. If Rollins decides that he wants to glide down to the batters box on the back of a bald eagle with red and grey smoke spewing from his cleats just as Oliver Perez is delivering his first pitch, you just nod and say “yessuh!” These are the Big Leagues, Charlie, and those were the Mets. Kudos to Eric Brunlett for his big day at the plate, but if I wanted to watch Snarf from the Thundercats play baseball, I would have simply reached under my pillow and made it happen.

Charlie has two rules: Be on time and Hustle. I get “Hustle” and Rollins was rightfully criticized for his lackadaisical play last month. But shouldn’t “Be on time” be more of a suggestion, kind of like “don’t call me anymore” or “¡Cuidado: Piso Mojado!” Oh Well, Charlie. Oh Well.

Whether you were excited about the return of Brett Myers to the Majors, or cautiously apathetic about it, there is no denying that his performance for the rest of the season will have an important impact on the club’s playoff chances. Since Myers’ dismal performance to date (3-9, 5.84 ERA, excluding tonight’s game) has essentially left the Phillies without a number two starter since early May, any semblance of a turnaround will be a tremendous credit to the Phils’ rotation, especially after the acquisition of the Oakland A’s Joe Blanton.

Tonight’s performance may leave some fans squeamish, but while it was by no means spectacular, it leaves room for that rare Philadelphia commodity: Hope. Myers fought through some tough innings, was hurt by some shoddy defense, and amazingly did not give up any home runs. No Met hit him hard, and he was driving towards home on most of his 95 pitches, which is promising considering that many felt that his failure to do so was possibly the cause of his poor performances thus far. If Myers’ bailing out towards first was a major contributor to his terrible first half, then tonight’s performance was a plus.

His control, on the other hand, was horrendous. Myers struggled to find the strike zone for much of his outing, throwing 29 pitches in the first inning, only 9 for strikes. 16 of his first 18 pitches were fastballs, and only 3 of those for strikes. After walking a total of 7 batters in his Minor League stint, Myers walked four straight, resulting in a run. After settling down in the second, Myers pitched through another rough inning, throwing a 27 pitch third, with one free pass and a hit batter, giving up another run in the process.

Myers’ final line was mediocre (5 IP, 3 earned runs, 2 K and 5 BB), and 3 of the 5 innings were tough to watch, a cruel reminder of his first half struggles. But one could view it as a good first step, especially with regard to his mechanical changes, and his next performance will allow the fans and the coaches to get a better grasp on which Myers we will have for the remainder of the season. While it is an unfortunate set of circumstances, Phillies fans will just have to wait and see.