Do you like the title? It’s an attempt at levity to hide my utter shock/sadness/anger (Shanger?) regarding the trade of Simon Gagne for a former Smashing Pumpkins drummer and a half eaten bag of Funyuns. Okay, I just did a quick fact check and apparently it’s a different, far more irrelevant, Matt Walker. Since the other part of this blockbuster move is a 4^th round pick, seeing a half eaten bag of Funyuns working its way through the Flyers farm system in the near future cannot be ruled out. Ideally, it’ll retire early and take over as General Manager for Paul Holmgren. I’m not going to bore you with a lot of “knowing a lot about hockey” like those other bloggers, I’ll let the guys at Flyers Fan Central do that (download their Droid App). What I will do is lay out some simple truths of the situation just to make sure everyone is on the same page.

Losing Gagne is upsetting and was unnecessary: I get that the salary cap was basically hit, but there are other things you can do. For instance, we have about eight mediocre goalies at this point; take them all out behind the Spectrum and shoot two. My plan kills two birds with one stone: we no longer need to pay two people and we’ll have six mediocre goalies literally playing for their lives (Win/Win). This trade is still not at the level of the Donovan McNabb trade, but it’s pretty damn close. The Flyers at least traded Gagne with his dignity intact. The Eagles felt it was best to sell NcNabb via a Craigslist ad. Some where between the St. Louis Rams turning down the trade and the Oakland Raiders denying any interest I think the Florida Tuskers of UFL fame must have been picking up the phone. This Gagne trade isn’t that bad, but it’s worse than watching Charles Barkley in a Phoenix Suns jersey (I’m not going to talk about the whole Brian Dawkins situation). Eric Lindros I was happy to be rid of. Rod Brind’Amour I just wanted to see happy. But Gagne was fine where he was, he wanted to stay, and his Myspace page is awesome.

You’re not going to like Matt Walker: Don’t bother trying, just start hating him now. Sure, he say that he’s excited, “to be back in a hockey town”. He won’t be; when everyone hates him. He can score 80 game winning goals. If we lose the 81^st people will talk about how Gags would have buried it. If he races to the 30^th floor of a burning hospital to save a floor full of veterans, babies and puppies Gags would have just stopped the fire and built another hospital. Sorry Matt, you’re just not winning this one. Your best move may be just to go down injured. That way we’ll have our scapegoat and you can just sit around and talk about how it sucks not to be able to help the team (again Win/Win). Luckily for whatever piece of meat we pick up in the 4^th round, they’ll be so far removed from this situation that hardly anyone will heckle them as they go about their job at the local Appleby’s  (Google “famous 4th round NHL picks”).

Simon Gagne will hoist the cup: I want to end on a good note here, so just know that Gags will get his. If Philadelphia sports teams were as good at assessing and getting what they actually need as they are at trading key pieces to other teams as they are being a Philadelphia sports fan might actually be enjoyable. Historically one of our best skills has been to trade players to future championship teams. So rest assured we not only gave the Tampa Bay Lightning a great player, but we most likely took enough weight of their salary cap so they can make some moves and make a series run. Maybe they can beat us in the playoffs and injure Jeff Carter in the process. Who know, the sky’s the limit on this one really (Win/EpicFAIlL).

For a brief stint the BCS gods looked to be ready to rip apart the Big 12. As a Big East fan I can relate; normally they’re calling for our collective head in the off season. Thankfully it’ll be at least five more months until Lee Corso calls for Big East to step aside so the latest hot minor conference can finally have their shot at a perennially power, so soak it in while you can. We take it as an annual right of passage that the Big East is always facing extinction, but what does it mean from a school perspective when they talk about restructuring and where should a fan stand if their team enters the fray? I’m going to use three area teams to show the different effects movement can have.

Temple Owls: Bring on the rains!

As a temple fan, or perhaps the temple owl fan, you probably know your team has fallen on rough times (you could also use the phrase “sucks’). After being unceremoniously tossed from the Big East in 2004 you wondered around as an independent until you finally limped into the MAC. While your national sporting presence was buoyed for sometime by your basketball program; you’ve slipped almost completely into obscurity.

Anything that upsets the status quo is great news for you. As things are now, you’re boned. In the current system you’ll never get back to a Major Conference and you’re unlikely to stay competitive even in the Mid-American Conference (MAC). The best case scenario is carnage, a sinking titan may grab on to you to keep itself afloat. While this may mean you end up in a geographic miss-match, essentially killing your non money earning sports, your football team may get into greener pastures in the process. In the perfect scenario a hobbled Big East is forced to come crawling back after being ransacked by a southern conference, this would mean the northeast would open up significantly for you. Maybe a disgraced coach with some recruiting juice left waltz’s in to turn the program around. A couple of wins and a Bill Cosby telethon might get you into a bowl game people will actually know is happening.

In the same boat: Seton Hall, St Johns, Depaul, Providence, Syracuse

Villanova Wildcats: I don’t check the weather…

Aside from Brian Westbrook, your ex-player roster is largely anonymous, and your football team wasn’t even picked up by the Big East with your basketball team. But your basketball team is a national powerhouse, and is the last truly strong member of the Philadelphia Big 5. You’ve also come off a National Championship in the Colonial Athletic Association.

Sit back, relax, and let everyone else worry. One of the major differences between you and Temple is that you’re football team is actually thriving in the CAA and wants no part of a stronger football division. You probably will keep an eye on what Georgetown is doing, but even then with the number of out-of-conference games a basketball team plays each year, why bother moving? Truth of the matter is that no one will let your gridiron gang play in their reindeer games and at most likely you’ll end up a filler for a conference like the Big 10 to add credence to a laughable in conference schedule.

In the same boat: Syracuse, Connecticut, Notre Dame, Marquette

Rutgers Red Raiders: Find higher ground

This is where I may get some push back, assuming Jon reads anything I write. Head coach Greg Schiano has managed to recruit in the fertile areas of NJ, NY, and PA aka “your backyard”. This is something no one before him could do. While you’re still unable to beat more established Big East powerhouses like the Mountaineers of West Virginia University you have stepped into the national spotlight, so much so that other teams have already tried to steal your coach.

You have the most to lose from a major restructuring of the conference landscape. Why? Remember this phrase, “Big Fish, Little Pond”. Yes, you’ve done well the past few years but you’re still located in Piscataway, NJ, better known as, “where the fuck is that, NJ”. Your key to fame is the same thing that was your key to failure; you’re now getting players from NJ/NY to stay. If you move to a new conference, that will all go away. Schiano leaves if he’s in the Big 10 or Big 12. He goes to Texas, Florida, or Ohio where he continues to recruit players from this area. Rutgers will go back to not recruiting players from this area, and back to the type of obscurity only Middle Jersey can produce. With no other major sports to fall back on, and crippling travel costs for your teams caused by poor attention to geography, you’ll become a shadow. Keep in mind you’re in the same conference where the South Florida Bulls are always contenders, don’t mistake that with being able to play with the Longhorns in Texas. Don’t believe me? Maybe you’ll listen to TLC.

 In the same boat: Louisville, Cincinnati, South Florida

Here are Hot Stove Philly’s MLB All Star selections:

AL

1B:     Miguel Cabrera, DET (19HR/60RBI/.326AVG)

2B:     Robinson Cano, NYY (14/50/.362)

3B:     Evan Longoria, TB (12/52/.298)

SS:      Derek Jeter, NYY (8/39/.279)

C:        Victor Martinez, BOS (9/37/.297)

OF:     Josh Hamilton, TEX (17/53/.339)

OF:     Carl Crawford, TB (7/38/.307/26SB)

OF:     Alex Rios, CWS (13/38/.313/20)

DH:     Vladimir Guerrero, TEX (15/58/.324)

SP:      Colby Lewis, TEX (7-4, 3.07 ERA, 90K)

NL

1B:     Adrian Gonzalez, SD (16/58/.315)

2B:     Martin Prado, ATL (7/31/.336/21(2B))

3B:     Scott Rolen, CIN (15/46/.303)

SS:     Hanley Ramirez, FLA (11/.43/.292)

C:       Miguel Olivo, COL (10/32/.300)

OF:    Ryan Braun, MIL (10/47/.306

OF:    Chris Young, ARI (12/49/.273)

OF:     Corey Hart, MIL (18/54/.272)

SP:     Ubaldo Jimenez, COL (13-1, 1.60, 95)

          This started off as a Philly pride piece. I was going to talk about how proud I am of the Philadelphia Flyers and their season. I planned on dissecting how the play of Danny Briere and Jeff Carter was amazing and that Mike Richards’ ability to not only coexist, but even bond, with Chris Pronger shows that he’ll continue to be a great captain for the foreseeable future. My plan was to even go on a limb and say that I wasn’t upset about us losing, that just getting there was enough. After waiting over 24 hours this article should still largely echo those sentiments. That being said, never in my entire life have I wished so hard for someone to close their legs.

          No seriously, Michael Leighton, why will you not just shut your legs? I feel like I’m a dad on “16 and Pregnant” right before Prom. I’ll grant you that some of the saves you made were ridiculous. Yes, we were out shot in several circumstances and poor play on defense and power play did not help, but hasn’t anyone ever mentioned to you that your butterfly leaves a gaping five hole? If only every girl I’ve ever dated had the same issue (the leg closing one, not the poor butterfly mechanics).

          The most frustrating part is that you were a Chicago Blackhawk. Patrick Sharp took every opportunity to make us regret letting him go. Even Patrick Kane played like he had some pent up rage over how we treated his fellow No. 88, Eric Lindros, (I’m not sure of anything the city of Philadelphia ever did to Dale Earnhardt Jr.). You however played with no sense of urgency. While Antti Noemi was over there rolling around on the ground stopping everything that came at him high, which was where he was supposed to be weak, you consistently could not stop low shots flying 80 mph at your crotch. 

          I’m not dropping this entire thing on your shoulders and I don’t agree with you getting pulled twice in favor of Brian Boucher when the game was already lost. That type of move doesn’t show any faith, and paints you as fragile. They definitely did not do you any favors. As I’ve mentioned I’m not psyched about our power play, and Pronger did take penalties at the most inopportune times but these are issues that can be fixed. A play off goalie is the bedrock of a team. While they may not win the most Conn Smythe trophies, they’re the player you invariably remember.

          Years from now we won’t remember all the goals they scored; we’ll remember all the ones we didn’t. The worst part is, I don’t have an obvious answer. Last year I was calling for Jose Theodore from the Washington Capitals but with two years and two chokes I’m not sure he’s the answer. He’s more of an answer to the platoon of existing goalies we have. It’s because of you and because of Jeremy Roenick’s commentary, “I made it once, everyone and lost. Everyone said not to worry about it, that we’d get back next year, we never did” that I can’t drum up a lot of enthusiasm about next year.

Hall of Fame pitcher Robin Roberts died Thursday morning at the age of 83, according to the Philadelphia Phillies. His cause of death was not immediately known.

Roberts spent 15 years with the Phillies, including as a member of the famed 1950 Whiz Kids. He also spent time with the Baltimore Orioles, Houston Astros and Chicago Cubs, compiling a 286-245 record with a 3.41 ERA for his career.

He pitched in a time when endurance was the norm. Over the course of 609 career starts, Roberts threw over 300 innings in six straight seasons. He acrued a total of 305 complete games, including a stretch of 28 in a row.

During the 1950 season, Roberts, a 20-game winner, started three of the Phillies’ final five games, including their Pennant clinching victory over the Brooklyen Dodgers. It was the Phillies’ first Pennant in 35 years and the first time a Phillies pitcher had won 20 games in a season since Grover Cleveland Alexander did it in 1917.

Roberts would win 20 games every season from 1950 to 1955, and led the NL in wins from 1952 to 1955. He won a career-high 28 games in 1952.

He retired in 1967 and would go on to be the coach of the University of South Florida baseball team from 19777-85.

In a surprising move, the Philadelphia Phillies announced Monday that they have signed first baseman Ryan Howard to a five-year extension worth $125 million. The deal reportedly contains a club option for a sixth year, which would increase the contract’s worth to $138 million.

The five-year extension will pay Howard $20 million in each of the 2012 and 2013 seasons and $25 million per year from 2014-16. The club option is worth $23 million with a $10 million buyout. The deal also reportedly contains a limited no-trade clause.

Howard is currently making $19 million a season after he agreed to a contract renegtotiation in 2008. That deal was worth $54 million over the final three years of his contract. At the time, the expectation was that those would be the final three years Howard would be a member of the Phillies.

Here are some amazing statistics, courtesy of David Murphy of the Philadelphia Daily News.

In his major league career, Howard has won the National League Rookie of the Year and MVP awards in successive seasons (2005-06), is a two-time NL All-Star (2006, 2009), won a Silver Slugger Award (2006) and was named MVP of the National League Championship Series last year. In his MVP season of 2006, Howard set a Phillies single-season record with 58 home runs and is the all-time franchise leader in postseason RBI (27).

Since becoming an everyday player on July 1, 2005, Howard leads all major league players in home runs (222) and RBI (650). Last season, Howard became just the fourth player in major league history to have four straight 40 home run/130 RBI seasons, joining Hall of Famer Babe Ruth (7), Ken Griffey Jr. (4) and Sammy Sosa (4), and the fastest player ever to 200 home runs (658 games), besting Ralph Kiner’s previous record by 48 games.

Through 18 games, Howard is batting .275 with three home runs and 16 RBI.

So former MVP shortstop Jimmy Rollins could miss up to four weeks on the disabled list. Who cares?

“Jimmy is a tremendous player, but that’s part of what you go through,” said manager Charlie Manuel. “You’ve got to make the best out of it you possibly can.”

In their first official game without Rollins, who is having the best start of his career, the Phillies walloped the visiting Washington Nationals in a purely offensive game by a score of 14-7. The score at the end of the third inning was 7-7, over an hour and a half after the game started.

Rollins’ replacement at the leadoff spot, centerfielder Shane Victorino, went 4-for-5 with a homerun, five RBIs and three runs scored. The five RBIs were a career high for Victorino, and in one night he raised his batting average from .161 to .250.

Second baseman Chase Utley went 2-for-4 with two homeruns, four RBIs and a walk. Ryan Howard added two RBIs of his own.

The Phillies, who are playing like the modern version of the Bid Red Machine, scored in five of the eight innings in which they played. At 7-1, the Phillies are off to their best start since the 1993 team that went to the World Series. Coming into Wednesday night’s game against the Nationals, the Phillies were already leading the majors in most offensive categories, including batting average, an area where they typically struggle.

On top of it all, Roy Halladay, the much ballyhooed offseason acquisition, has so far lived up to all the hype, and then some. Through two starts, Halladay has allowed just one earned run in 16 innings while striking out 17 batters. His ERA is an incredible 0.56 and he was named the National League Player of the Week during the first week of the season.

The Phillies wrap up their series against the Nationals on Thursday during an afternoon game at Citizen’s Bank Park. The Phillies will receive their National League Champions rings in a pregame ceremony.

According to a report by Philadelphia Daily News reporter David Murphy, Philadelphia Phillies’ manager Charlie Manuel announced on a Sirius XM satellite radio show Wednesday morning that shortstop Jimmy Rollins suffered what Manuel is calling “between a Grade 2 and 1″ calf injury that will sideline him for the forseeable future. That was confirmed in a press release Wednesday afternoon by general manager Ruben Amaro, Jr.

Rollins underwent an MRI on Tuesday after suffering the injury during pregame warmups before the Phillies’ home opener on Monday. Amaro announced that they were placing Rollins on the 15-day disabled list, retroactive to April 13.

“We believe it to be a mild to moderate strain and we’re hopeful it will be a two-to-four week recovery,” said Amaro. “As in all of our injuries, precautions will be taken so that Jimmy is 100% when he returns to the field.”

The news comes as a blow to the Phillies, who, along with their shortstop, are off to one of the best starts in their history. The Phillies, notoriously bad in April, lead the majors in almost every offensive category, are the only team in the majors with only one loss and their new ace pitcher, Roy Halladay, was named the National League Player of the Week for the first week of the season.

Rollins, who has often been criticized as being a poor leadoff hitter, is having the best start of his 11 year career. In 23 at bats so far this season, Rollins has nine hits, including three doubles and a triple, a batting average of .391 and a .516 on base percentage, both well above his career average. Rollins already has seven walks, but has only struck out twice. The former MVP had only 44 walks all of last season.

Juan Castro will start at shortstop while Rollins is on the disabled list and likely bat eighth in the lineup. Centerfielder Shane Victorino, who had been batting sixth, will lead off.

Infielder Wilson Valdez has been called up from Triple-A Lehigh Valley.

Phillies shortstop Jimmy Rollins was scratched from Monday’s home opener after he suffered what appeared to be a calf strain during warmups. He was replaced by Juan Castro at short.

According to Jim Salisbury of CSNPhilly.com, Rollins suffered was is being called a “a Grade 2 strain of his right calf muscle – an injury that usually requires a trip to the disabled list – while completing a final few wind sprints before the first pitch.”

Rollins was not available for comment after the Phillies’ 7-4 victory over the Washington Nationals, but according to those who saw him the leave the stadium, he was not moving well.

“Personally, from my experience, it’s not fun,” said centerfielder Shane Victorino said. “It’s a frustrating thing, especially for a guy who runs, who needs his legs, who needs his speed. Hopefully, it’s not as bad as mine.”

Rollins could be placed on the disabled list and miss up to 2-4 weeks. He is scheduled to undergo an MRI on Tuesday.

If Rollins did have to miss time, it would be a particularly tough blow to the Phillies, as he is having one of the best starts of his career. Through 23 at bats, Rollins is batting .391 with one homerun and three RBIs. The difference is his batting average, on base percentage (.516) and seven walks, all of which would be career highs. That being said, the Phillies believe they are well prepared.

“We’ve been doing this for about 4 years now,” manager Charlie Manuel said. “Let me tell you something – just because somebody goes down, we’re going to continue right on playing. We’ve got guys who like to play, and we’ve got some guys sitting on our bench who can get the job done.”

Castro, who was told that he was starting just minutes before gametime on Monday, had just one hit, but it was a key RBI double during the Phillies’ five run fifth inning. He is a career .230 hitter. If Rollins does miss any time, Victorino will likely bat leadoff with Castro batting seventh or eighth.

STEVEN M. FALK / Staff photographer

Jimmy Rollins was fine in pregame ceremonies.

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“Personally, from my experience, it’s not fun,” Victorino said. “It’s a frustrating thing, especially for a guy who runs, who needs his legs, who needs his speed. Hopefully, it’s not as bad as mine.”

Phillies’ shortstop Jimmy Rollins has once again stirred the pot of controversy, this time by questioning his own front office.

While on Dan Patrick’s Radio Show, Rollins reignited the debate of why the Phillies couldn’t keep Cliff Lee when they traded for Roy Halladay.

“I have no idea. I’m sure we could afford him. We turned nearly 4 million people through the turnstiles last year. I don’t know. You should have (Phillies GM) Ruben (Amaro) on here… When the trade happened, I actually got a text from Jayson Werth and he was like, ‘What are we doing?’ And I was like, ‘Didn’t we get Halladay?’ And he was like, ‘Yeah, but we traded Lee.’ And my mouth dropped like, ‘That wasn’t part of the deal.’

“I really don’t know. I thought we had enough to keep him. I thought we could have done enough to keep him. I guess that’s just a move the Yankees do… That’s just the truth. The Yankees would have been like, ‘Hey, we got a chance to keep both of them. We’ll pay them both for a year or two and we got a chance to win a championship.’”

(The transcript is from Sports Radio Interviews. You can find the audio here.)

While I would certainly have loved for the Phillies to have both Lee and Halladay at the top of their rotation, I don’t fault Amaro for making the move. I understand his desire to not entirely deplete the team’s farm system. And I also understand the counter argument that their window is now and they need to put the best team on the field possible to compete with the Yankees and Red Sox.

Regardless of how you feel about the Lee move, it’s disingenuous for Rollins to gripe that the Phillies haven’t done enough to put a World Series caliber team on the field. Yes, they traded Lee, but they also acquired the best pitcher in baseball. They’re paying Ryan Howard $18 million a year. They have the best second baseman in baseball and one of the best outfields in baseball. Their new third baseman is a Gold Glove fielder and one of the better contact hitters in the game. Not to mention that they tolerate Rollins being the worst leadoff hitter in baseball history (I may be exaggerating there, but not by much).

This is just another example of Rollins sticking his foot in his mouth. In 2008, he called out the Philadelphia fans as being too fairweather and harsh. He apologized a couple days later after the fans erupted in outrage.

Craig Calcaterra of Hardball Talk over at NBCsports.com made a good point in his column Thursday that,

Of course, it’s not like Rollins has any special insight as to whether trading him was the right move. Veterans will always, always, always prefer to keep their fellow veterans on a team over making trades that will help replenish the system with prospects.

Nevertheless, I think it’s inappropriate and disingenuous for Rollins to call out Amaro like that. I’m not saying he has to tow the company line all the time, but his complaints are unwarranted.

He’s right, the Phillies aren’t the Yankees. They don’t own their own network and don’t play in the biggest media market in the world. But they have the fourth highest payroll in baseball.

And that ain’t nothin to sneeze at.